The Inherent Bullshit Nature of Picture Pages

Morning pages, morning pages!
Time to write your morning pages!
Time to get your coffee and your laptop!
You can write your morning pages!
Something, something ... MORNING PAGES!
Blah blah blah blah morning page with you!

Know what was bullshit about picture pages? 

Wait. Picture Pages, for you younger millennials and Gen Zers, was an interlude in our Saturday morning cartoons where ...

OK. See, back in the dark, dark ages, we didn't have your fancy Cartoon Network or three different Disney channels or (and this is where it gets SPOOOOOOOKY) the Internet where we could watch cartoons whenever our parents didn't want to deal with us. We had Saturday morning cartoons. Yeah, there were some cartoons on in the morning, and then, later in my childhood, afternoon cartoons. But that was it. TV was for grown-ups, like 80 percent of the time. Mostly because they had the buying power and they weren't going to give in to "MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM. I want a new Polly Pockets house!" "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! I won't eat any cereal that doesn't feature a mascot and a prize inside." "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! I prefer Flintstones vitamins because I like the way Barney feels in my mouth!" 

Wait. Maybe they DID give in to that, and that's why we have so many cartoon channels.

OK. Whatever. Moving on.

Picture Pages was an interlude where Bill Cosby (known to us then as sweet Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable and the JELL-O pops guy but now known to everyone else as that old dude in the funky sweaters who drugged and raped women) had a pen that made bloop bloop bloop noises as it drew. He'd draw a picture and act as if we were drawing along with him. (We weren't. Well, I wasn't.) And that was it.

But the thing that pissed me off most about Picture Pages was that they peddled the Picture Pages pen, and it didn't. Even. Make. Noise.

I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't just some sort of Hollywood trick to get us to ask our moms to buy ... Oh wait. Goddammit.

FUCKING PICTURE PAGES.

The Picture Page Lie

Comments

  1. This was an adventure to read! Sorry it took me so long.
    I've never been to a pure romance party it seems so very awkward with inlaws but hey always good to have funny stories! I will stick to online purchases. 😅

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